1 year anniversary

Wednesday was my 1 year anniversary with Tristan. Thanks babes, I love you and you make me very happy. Onto year 2!

How to survive a shark attack

hahahahahahahaha!!!

How to survive a shark attack


1: Don`t swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
large bodies of water also known as oceans.
The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the
water, which should be salty.

2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen
carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary
film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da"
chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer.
This is due to the Doppler Effect.

3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions.
If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion
with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.

4: Don't go into the water without a knife.
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy)
closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the
"decoy" is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freekin' life.
And finaly.....

5: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really won`t help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly and thrash yourself around in the
water as this is quite unsettling and can really spoil a wonderful day out!

aKing - Guilty As Sin (extracts)

Step into the night
breathe into it life
don't want to be clean
but i'm keen to try ...

don't wanna be seen
I'm keen to survive ...

Wasted oppertunities I've lost my grip ...

My eyes on fire ...

Light my eyes on fire ...

I've always been ... Guilty as sin!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others." - Anonymous

a KING ... South African band

I quite like their sound ...

Here is the Video for "Safe As Houses":

Boyfriend

I have a boyfriend ... we have been together for almost 3 weeks now.

One of the Killers songs, "When you were young" is one of my favourites. It also seems to now have come true for me.

Lyrics below.


You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

HIV / AIDS is real!

Last week I hooked up with a good friend from long ago on facebook. I am so glad that I hooked up with him again. We started SMS-ing each other and arranged to meet. I didn't know if it qualified as a date, but I hoped it did.

And it did! I had a wonderful evening. I was honest with him about my history (see the "How not to live your life in 2 years" post) and he was honest with me about being HIV positive. I was a bit overwhelmed, but I was smitten. We shared a "fishbowl", we chatted, we clicked well, we held hands, we kissed.

We arranged to see each other again the next day.

This didn't happen ...

My mind started working and I started thinking. Am I ready for this? Can I do this? Am I in a mental state of mind where this issue can be dealt with? Will I ever be in a mental state of mind where this issue can be dealt with by me?

I wanted to - I wanted to be strong enough so that I could work with or around his HIV status. I so wanted to. I still want to!

I still want to!

But I can't.

I had to be honest with him that it's just too much for me to handle. I had to be honest with him that I'll always have anxiety when it comes to our physical relationship. I had to be brutally honest. This really tore my heart apart. I was in pieces, but I was honest with him.

He said that he understands and I think that is very big of him. I admire him - he has such courage!

I am going to be there for him, as a friend, through thick and thin, through joy and pain, through all that life is going to be for him.

There are different kinds of love in this world, not all romantic in nature ...

HIV / AIDS is real - and I love him!

How not to live your life in 2 years!

The title to this post is actually a little misleading. Some of the things that happened in the last two years should have happened. It was time for them. It was time. This brings me to the 1st thing that should actually have happened:

The 1st thing is actually the 1st and the 2nd thing … and the only things that fall in the “should have happened” category.


Thing 1 and 2:

2 years ago, I was been married for a few months short of 10 years. We had a house in the suburbs, two cars in the double garage, pets with papers and a beautiful, intelligent and healthy 7 year old daughter. Through some very tough conversations with myself, through nights of no sleep and through a long personal internal struggle I came to a realisation. I came to the realisation that I am gay. That I am living my parent’s dream, that I am not living my own life and that I am very unhappy and unfulfilled. I asked my wife at the time for a divorce. I did not give reasons for it and she was shattered. I felt very guilty about this and moved out of the house. I was extremely conflicted. I got a divorce and I was honest with myself about my sexuality. This is all good and right and should have happened. (Of course, I never should have gotten married in the first place!). What follows is what should not have happened – especially the drugs!

At the same time, I openly came out of the closet to everyone, except my family and my ex-wife. This was very difficult for me to deal with – especially as I have not told my ex-wife, my daughter or my family. That happened later and we are probably not going to go into that so deeply.


Thing 3:

My best friend, whom I was secretly in love with as well, introduced me to drugs. It started out with some ecstasy and some LSD while I was enjoying my newfound freedom in clubs. It soon moved to cocaine and I became a hardcore cocaine addict. I was spending money on drugs that I didn’t have. I was using cocaine every day. I was doing cocaine at work, in the bathroom, all day long. I felt powerful. I felt freed. I forgot about the things in my soul that were scratching at me. I guess it’s because I was vulnerable and in love that I made such bad choices. My best friend and I moved into a flat together. This flat was right above our drug dealer. Ignorance of my personal situation was bliss. Money flowed out of my life at an astronomical rate. Soon we were behind on the rent. My best friend went to rehab for his heroin addiction and I was all alone again. I moved in with another friend that wanted to help me. I lied to him. I stayed with him and still injected cocaine daily. He was starting a relationship and he looked for another place for me to stay. He paid for this and I moved to this new place on a plot. I was all alone. I was practically broke. I was a drug addict.

I couldn’t tell my family as I was too ashamed. I also did not really care. I felt lost. My best friend came out of rehab and was back on heroin. I didn’t have money for cocaine – so I started doing small amounts of heroin with him. I was soon hooked and started getting sick when not using. My other friend said I needed to look for a place myself as he was no longer going to put me up. I moved into a flat with another gay guy I knew and this is where I still live now.


Thing 4:

On the 22nd of October 2008, I overdosed on a combination of heroin and benzodiazepines at work. I totalled my uninsured car and 2 days later I woke up in hospital in severe withdrawal. It was hell. At one point I was running around in the nurses station throwing down medicine cabinets and screaming that I wanted morphine.

I asked my psychiatrist to discharge me as I felt my hospital time was unproductive and I wanted to go to rehab. She did, and I went to the Stabilus treatment centre in Pretoria. My best friend also went to rehab at this time. I spent two weeks there and my father, who visited me daily, picked me up to take me home to Potchefstroom with him. I spent a couple of days there, before I had to return to work.


Thing 5:

When I arrived back at work I had to report straight to HR. I was immediately confronted with photographic evidence of my drug addiction and told that a disciplinary was going to be held. I was also told that a criminal case would be opened as drug paraphernalia was found on me at work. I negotiated a voluntary resignation with 2 months pay and no notice. I moved to Potchefstroom where I am still now. I am still paying my flat in Midrand every month still as I hope to soon find work and move back there in the new year. I’ve now been clean since the 23rd of October. It’s a daily mission but I am hanging in there.


Now, and the future:

I have addressed the drug issue with my parents openly and honestly. I have addressed my homosexuality with my parent and my ex wife and my daughter openly and honestly.

I want a future – not a big one – Just a future!

What is "twitter"

Well I think this describes it the best:
http://dotsub.com/api/smallplayer.php?filmid=3066&filminstance=3068&language=none

I'm giving it a try - follow me on twitter here:
http://www.twitter.com/timonmeerkat

Some twitter info:
http://twitter.com/

*** I like social networking apps - and this seems to be a real interesting one :)

What not to do with you cellular phone

Laying in bed this morning just before 7am, I received a call from a friend of mine. Being half asleep I went through the motions of trying to have a conversation and trying to sound intelligent while certainly still not being able to perform higher brain functions such as those needed to effectively communicate.

I wrapped up the call and let my hand fall to the floor to drop my cellular phone next to my pack of smokes where I'd be sure to find it later. Unfortunately I forgot all about the cup of coffee that also found itself there and dropped my phone straight into the cup of coffee! Needless to say, it is now completely broken and will not even switch on.

Bugger.

Seems I am thus now in the market for a new phone. I guess my basic requirements are that it be a 3G phone and must have Bluetooth connectivity. Other than that I'm not particularly picky as long as it is a Nokia or Samsung phone. I must say I quite fancy having a GPS phone like the Nokia 6110 Navigator, WOW - what a nifty toy, although a little above the budget bracket I had in mind.

Any suggestions? Drop me a comment below if you have some input.

To my friend D

D,

Congratulations on passing your exam for certification as an "IBM Certified Associate Application developer - Lotusn Notes / Domino 7"

Well done buddy !!